HEADLINES: IS IT LAST WEEK ALREADY? EDITION

Can you spot an old friend in this picture? The hint is tattoo.

Meloni, Hargitay seal deal with 'SVU'- Do we really have to go through this every year? It's like when Vin Diesel teased us by stepping away from the Fast and Furious franchise. We know you've got nothing else. (Variety)

Final 'Lost' season gains an hour- But the clock on the microwave is still wrong. (Live Feed)

Joanna 'Idol' Regrets- #1: Doing it in the first place. #2: Under-the-table handjobs for Simon Cowell. #3: Herpes.(NY Post)

Meet the `Big Brother 11' cast- You know, before they get really famous. (Philly.com)

30 Rock Keeps the Awkward Laughs Coming- This season they'll be reading excerpts from Brett's diary before commercials. Sample: Today on the metro I saw this chick who totally looked just like Number Six. I'd totally give her my 5" if you know what I'm sayin'. (TV.com)


Here's a little treat if you spotted our old friend keyboard cat.

HEADLINES: VIKING BOWLER EDITION

'Jon & Kate' minus 31%- Get it? See what they've done? Cause the show is 'minus Eight' but they've cleverly used that to make a pun about falling ratings. It's not that hard. "'Little People, Big World' ratings midgeted" "'I Didn't Know I was Pregnant' kicked in stomach" This is fun. (Live Feed)

HBO wipes hands of Artie- Ass next. (NY Post)

'True Blood' gives HBO its biggest audience since 'The Sopranos'- The numbers don't lie; I guess teenage obesity has gone up. (LA Times)

New Jersey 'Real Housewife' Danielle Staub on crime and Botox on 'Today'- One is a serious danger to society and strains our moral fiber. The other is often committed by minorities. (Zing!) (LA Times)

800,000 callers phone digital TV hot line- To no avail. Sex and the City reruns won't be stopped. (Freep.com)

LA County backtracks on HIV cases in porn industry- "We were wrong, you guys are clean... Well not clean, but you know... No I mean, you're clean in that way, the HIV thing, but other ways... No I'm just sayin'... Miss, you have 47 different men on your face." (Boston.com)

HEADLINES: HAIR ISLAND STYLE

This is a new segment wherein I just find some headlines from around the net and comment on them. I've only read the headlines, mind you. It's all you need really, why bother with actual stories?

Disney-ABC integrates Asian teams- They're either bulking up their accounting department or Mulan is getting another sequel. (Variety)

ABC puts a twist on 'Dance'- It's a shame Chubby Checker beat them by about 50 years. (Variety)

Composers seek change in copyright law- Cause seeking change always works out so well for the homeless. (Zing!) (THR)

Douglas followed Dad into producing- Much better than the time he followed the dog into his parents' bedroom. (Variety)

'Harper's Island' star Elaine Cassidy searches for clues- If she's trying to figure out where all the viewers went, she should start by looking at the scripts. Then maybe talk to the casting director. (LA Times)

Endemol rejigs distribution outfit- I think this is a story about a pharmaceutical company doing a dance in a funny costume. (Variety)

Lifetime movie is a 'Cinderella' story- In this version, Cinderella is sodomized and abused by her evil stepfather. Didn't think they could work sodomy into a Cinderella story? Where do think she loses the glass slipper? (THR)