Yeah I watched ABC Family, wanna fight about it?

I hope everyone had a good long weekend, I know I did. Contrary to internet rumor, bambat still exists, and is back from our brief vacation from our unpaid non-job. We're kicking off a new segment today: Pilot Impressions. This seems pretty self-explanatory, but for you morons: We watch pilots of new shows. We write about them. The end. Since this is the Summer, most of these shows are going to be terrible. That's just how it goes.

First up is a little show we previewed a while back, ABC Family's re-boot of 10 Things I Hate About You. So you can get your giggles out of the way upfront: Yes, I programmed my DVR to record this program. Yes, I then watched this program. And yes, I am now going to spend my time writing about it. Whoever told you I had a life was obviously misinformed.

Anyway, if you've seen the movie from back when Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles' career were both still alive, then you've basically seen the pilot. And by that I mean that they essentially took the exact same plot and re-filmed it with less talented actors. They also made sure to modernize it with topical contemporary references to texting and Facebook. No mention of the big gossip that someone tweeted yet, but it's only a matter of time.

Keep in mind that this is an adaptation of a movie which was a loose adaptation of a Shakespeare play in the first place. In other words, we've reached the maximum saturation point of being derivative. If this show gets a spin-off, God will kill an autustic kitten. It goes without saying that each iteration was worst than the last, and yes, this was pretty bad.

The cast is full of people I don't recognize, which is just as well considering a quick glance at their imdb entries revealed a litany of prior ABC Family appearances. I think it should be a law that if you have two or more Hannah Montana alums in one place at any time, you have to pay a fine to the FCC. The only one I knew was Dana Davis, who was in Heroes briefly. She wasn't any good here either. That said, there was definitely some jailbait talent here, which those who know me are aware is a key factor.

Anyway, I can't waste another minute writing about this. In summation:

Rating: 3 out of 10

Wasn't funny or clever. Some of the chicks were alright looking. Didn't throw my remote.

Odds I'll watch another episode: 0

Odds I'll watch another episode and not tell anyone: 50/50

After all, let's face it, I have no life.

10 Things I Hate About A Slow News Day

You know its a slow boring Monday when bambat covers something related to ABC Family, but here we are. I'm sure I wouldn't be the only heterosexual male to admit that "10 Things I Hate About You" was a pretty decent movie, as far as rom-com Shakespeare adaptations starring Julia Stiles go. But at no point during the watching of that movie did I ever think "gee, this would be even better if you stretched it out over 20ish episodes and put it on ABC Family." Apparently I should have been more forceful, since they've gone ahead and done just that, remaking 10 Things I Hate About You as a TV series (for tweens). The trailer:



Wow, so its the exact same plot as the movie only with less attractive women. Isn't the token black chick the same token black chick who tried to ruin the Season Two of Heroes? My favorite part is that its the same dad from the movie, as if he had nothing better to do ten years later. And the artsy kid in the hat is back. That's nice...

The trailer I posted also featured some dialogue between the older sister and her lone boyfriend. This is what they had:

Artsy misunderstood girl: Why are people scared of you?
Artsy misunderstood guy: Why are people scared of you?

The end of this exchange is actually:

Artsy misunderstood girl: People are not scared of me.
Artsy misunderstood guy: That's why I find you interesting.

No joke. It's in this trailer (if you can stomach another). If you're still at all interested after reading all that, it premieres July 7th. Heaven help you.