HI, BILLY MAYS HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT DEATH*

...four to go...

Picking up where Ed McMahon and Farrah Fawcett left off in the trend of "People whose deaths you care less about than Michael Jackson", TV pitch man Billy Mays was found dead in his home this morning. According to FOX News:

Mays was found unresponsive by his wife inside his Tampa, Fla., home at 7:45 a.m. on Sunday, according to the Tampa Police Department.

Police said there were no signs of forced entry to Mays' residence and foul play is not suspected. Authorities said an autopsy should be complete by Monday afternoon.

In a disturbing twist, he'd left the TV on the night before and ended up (not) waking up to his own infomercial. I hate when that happens. I never liked when news sites report dead people as being "found". That doesn't sound like it takes any effort at all. And who's really looking for dead people? I prefer when corpses are discovered. That makes it more exciting, like there's a bit of adventure involved, possibly a rag tag group of kids or minorities.

Oh and RIP.

Source: FOX News


*I stole that headline from a friend of mine who doesn't want to be named. So many people read bambat, he'd be afraid of the publicity.

ON THE VERGE

When I was looking up that godawful Verizon commercial, I came across an old Motorola ad from 2005. For obvious reasons, it got my attention. After some careful, we'll call it research, I found out the name of the actress is Erin Spencer. (imdb here) Now she hasn't done much so far, but with roles like "Drunk Guy's Girlfriend" and "Pregnant Ballerina" I think it's obvious she's got range. Maybe Brett even remembers her from Prison Break. Now she may not blow up, and it may be too late as IMDb doesn't even list her age, but if she does, this post will be here and I told you so.

Here's the video that piqued my penis interest.



UPDATE: It seems she's also a Pilates instructor and does private training. Erin, if you're reading this, enjoy the free plug and please get in touch. I'd love an interview. Pilates Plus Downtown LA

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

• The little girl's sassy, hands in the pockets stance and chilled out posture.
• Her out of control frizzy hair.
• The mom's hand gestures and the way she holds her purse.
  
• The dad's one raised eyebrow and ridiculous chin hair.
  
• I've never seen sprinkles that look like the first 10 they show. And the ice cream looks ridiculously fake too. What the fuck kind of scoop is that? The generic cup, too. Ugh.
  
• The extras who are part of "the network" pretending to do some sort of work. Is there any point to them anymore? Have we stretched the metaphor enough? We get it.
  
• The sprinkles are not in an area where an employee can easily access them. No they're right out there on the counter. Not even facing the back.
  
• He pours fucking sprinkles all over the fucking counter. The whole fucking container. No one even tries to stop him.
  
• The little girl's "Yo, Pops! Ma' shoes, son!" reaction to the sprinkles being poured.
• The dad's satisfied (?) "Heh" when he finishes pouring them. Seriously replay it again and again. I'm almost positive it was added in post. I imagine the conversation. "Now, he's poured the sprinkles. How does he feel about it?" "Well satisfied I guess." "Yes, but how do we know this???"
  
• "Do you want whipped cream?" What the fuck? Honestly, I know you finally have your big line in the commercial after watching the idiot family, but this is your delivery? And that stupid fuck glance back at the mountain of sprinkles. What the fuck.
  
• The annoying Verizon background music at the end.

Don't watch it more than three times or you might become a danger to yourself or others.