Yeah I watched ABC Family, wanna fight about it?

I hope everyone had a good long weekend, I know I did. Contrary to internet rumor, bambat still exists, and is back from our brief vacation from our unpaid non-job. We're kicking off a new segment today: Pilot Impressions. This seems pretty self-explanatory, but for you morons: We watch pilots of new shows. We write about them. The end. Since this is the Summer, most of these shows are going to be terrible. That's just how it goes.

First up is a little show we previewed a while back, ABC Family's re-boot of 10 Things I Hate About You. So you can get your giggles out of the way upfront: Yes, I programmed my DVR to record this program. Yes, I then watched this program. And yes, I am now going to spend my time writing about it. Whoever told you I had a life was obviously misinformed.

Anyway, if you've seen the movie from back when Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles' career were both still alive, then you've basically seen the pilot. And by that I mean that they essentially took the exact same plot and re-filmed it with less talented actors. They also made sure to modernize it with topical contemporary references to texting and Facebook. No mention of the big gossip that someone tweeted yet, but it's only a matter of time.

Keep in mind that this is an adaptation of a movie which was a loose adaptation of a Shakespeare play in the first place. In other words, we've reached the maximum saturation point of being derivative. If this show gets a spin-off, God will kill an autustic kitten. It goes without saying that each iteration was worst than the last, and yes, this was pretty bad.

The cast is full of people I don't recognize, which is just as well considering a quick glance at their imdb entries revealed a litany of prior ABC Family appearances. I think it should be a law that if you have two or more Hannah Montana alums in one place at any time, you have to pay a fine to the FCC. The only one I knew was Dana Davis, who was in Heroes briefly. She wasn't any good here either. That said, there was definitely some jailbait talent here, which those who know me are aware is a key factor.

Anyway, I can't waste another minute writing about this. In summation:

Rating: 3 out of 10

Wasn't funny or clever. Some of the chicks were alright looking. Didn't throw my remote.

Odds I'll watch another episode: 0

Odds I'll watch another episode and not tell anyone: 50/50

After all, let's face it, I have no life.